Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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