god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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