well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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