Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
