I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
