Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
