Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The feeling are messing with the penis
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
