She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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