Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
