Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
