The beer is more important than you right now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
