I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
