i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
