I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
