I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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