That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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