Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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