he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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