id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
