Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
