Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
