also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Farmville is her only friend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
