We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
