new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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