I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
