dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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