So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
