Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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