Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
