I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
