Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
