a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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