I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
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it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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