HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
