Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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