he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
