let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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