My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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