have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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