Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
