I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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