they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
