you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
