I showed him my bush... on skype.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
