At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
