Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
