Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
