It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize