Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize