Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Randomize
