I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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