Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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