New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I just shit out all my problems.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
