he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
