my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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