pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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