Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
