Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize