my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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