I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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