my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
