We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
