I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
