Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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