getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
