Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
