I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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