I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
