your room smells of hookers.
And success
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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