Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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