I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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