I wannas sexs uuuuu
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
