bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
